


Memories

by luvisblind



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23300590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvisblind/pseuds/luvisblind
Summary: Idk just a scrapped story mixed with other things I’ve written. POV goes back and forth between Marvin and 3rd person. Kind of an extension of “The Whole Being Dead Thing”.
Relationships: Dr. Charlotte/Cordelia (Falsettos), Marvin/Trina (Falsettos), Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Kudos: 7





	Memories

Marvin Cohen rolled over onto his side. His alarm blared in his ear, ringing over and over. The time flashed in the dark. 4:17 AM. He let it ring. He was too sad to think, or even move. Their bed felt too empty and cold. “Their” meaning Marvin and Whizzer. Whizzer Brown, Marvin’s love, his true love, the only man Marvin wanted or would ever want. His thoughts about Whizzer lingered and left him constantly aching from the inside out.

It had been a cold December day in New York, and Marvin was at the mall looking for perfume for his wife, Trina. Their relationship was rocky, and Marvin wanted to lift Trina’s spirits out of love, and also out of guilt and shame. He didn’t love her the same way he had when they were younger, and it showed. They often fought over little things. Their son, Jason, could see their marriage crumbling as well. Marvin didn’t mean to love her less, or hurt her, but he couldn’t control his feelings. As Marvin pondered all this, he was suddenly knocked to the ground.  
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” A man’s startled voice shouted.  
“Oh, it’s fine,” Marvin stood and held out a hand to the handsome stranger. He took a good look at the young man. Marvin found himself attracted to him almost instantly. He was more beautiful than Marvin would ever admit. His hands were soft and his hair was a chestnut brown. He was tall, taller than Marvin, and wore an Auntie Anne’s uniform. It was a little blue apron with a pretzel on the front.  
“I’m- I’m Marvin,” He stuttered out.  
“They call me Whizzer,” He dusted off his apron and readjusted his glasses. “Nice to meet you.” His cheeks flushed out of embarrassment. “I’m so sorry.” Whizzer went on. “I totally wasn’t paying attention and I’m on my break so-” Marvin cut him off.  
“Really, it’s fine.” He insisted.  
“Sorry. I just- sorry.” Whizzer mumbled. His eyes darted to the ground in shame.  
“Don’t be sorry.” Marvin reassured him. “How long do you have until you have to get back to work?” Marvin asked. Whizzer went from shame to surprise to excitement. Almost like a puppy, Marvin thought.   
“I’ve got about a half hour.” He said, smiling sweetly.  
“Perfect.” Marvin took his hand, and the rest was history. Marvin left his wife, and for a while things looked grim, but Whizzer always reminded Marvin that everything would be alright.

Now, it had been three days since the funeral. Marvin couldn’t bring himself to do, well, anything. He moped around his house all day. He barely ate, and he couldn’t get through the night without waking up in a cold sweat. He didn’t answer his calls. He cried a lot. Little things sent him soaring over the edge. One thing could randomly have him in tears.   
The truth though, was that everything reminded him of Whizzer. The pale blue color of the bedroom walls that Whizzer had picked out. Whizzer’s pillow, that still smelled like him. Roses, vanilla, and champagne. It was a scent Marvin could pick out of a crowd. The photos of Whizzer and Marvin all around the room. Each one ignited a memory in Marvin’s mind of a world with Whizzer and not the harsh reality. The comb and signature cologne that sat untouched on Whizzer’s nightstand. All the bits and pieces of Whizzer and his memory that got left behind.  
Marvin sat up in bed and slapped his alarm lazily. He took a swig from the water bottle by his bed. He picked up the picture of him and Whizzer from his bedside table and traced his fingers over the glass casing. In the photo, Marvin had his arms wrapped around Whizzer’s waist. Whizzer was so tall he almost blocked Marvin from the view of the camera. Marvin’s head poked out from behind Whizzer. One perfect moment captured in time, and framed for all to see. 

Marvin remembered it like it was yesterday. Marvin and Whizzer were on a picnic with their best friends, Charlotte and Cordelia. They were the supportive lesbian couple from next door. The weather was perfect and the sky was clear. The ground was comfortable underneath them. They ate food and laughed. All their problems faded for one short day. Charlotte seemed jittery. Before the desert, she made a big announcement.  
“Um, hey guys.” Charlotte started. The crew all looked up at her. “I just… I have something to say.” She stood up, her olive green dress flapping in the breeze.   
“Ok,” She took a deep breath, “Cordelia, We’ve been together for about 2 years. I love waking up and seeing your beautiful face. I love eating your delicious food, and I just love having you in my life. You are the love of my life.” Whizzer was grinning, as his eyes welled up with tears. Marvin’s jaw hung low, in total shock. Charlotte’s lip quivered as she went on, “You are my bright and bubbly sun. You are my soft, glowing moon. You are my twinkling, luminescent stars. I love everything about you, especially how you make me feel.” Cordelia was a sobbing mess, with mascara dripped down onto her purple sundress. Charlotte lowered herself on one knee, revealing a diamond ring. Whizzer gasped, also in tears. “Cordelia, you’ve made the past 2 years, the best years of my life,” She paused to wipe a tear away, “and I would love to have many, many more with you. Will you, Cordelia Foster, marry me?” Cordelia launched herself at Charlotte, hugging and kissing her. A definite yes. Marvin and Whizzer stood up, giving out hugs and congratulations. Jumping up and down, Cordelia and Whizzer admired the ring. After a few minutes, Whizzer pulled Marvin aside.   
“When are you gonna propose to me?” He asked, “Don’t worry babe! I’m just teasing.” But Marvin wasn’t fooled. He could see the longing in Whizzer’s eyes, begging for Marvin to pop the question. The sun peaked as they popped the white wine and celebrated the engagement.  
Barefoot, Whizzer convinced Marvin to climb a tree with him. While Whizzer was enamoured at the sunset. It glowed a rich blend of pink, purple, orange and blue. But while Whizzer stared at the sky in wonder, Marvin was captivated by Whizzer. His brown eyes like deep pools of chocolate that Marvin lost himself in. His rosy cheeks and his soft, ruffled hair. And his smile. The smile that was warm and inviting. The smile that always felt like home. Whenever Whizzer smiled at him, Marvin felt complete. He felt like a half who finally found it’s whole.

Marvin didn’t even notice the tears streaming down his face, dripping on the glass of the frame. Marvin cradled the picture in his arms. He pulled his blankets over his face and sobbed himself back into a fitful, restless sleep.  
When Marvin woke up, it was late in the afternoon. He heard footsteps around his house. Too lazy to check and see who it was, he called out,   
“Hello?” His voice was groggy and thick with exhaustion. There was no response. “Hello?” He called again, “Mendel! Go away! I don’t want any goddamn therapy! I told you I’ll call when I’m ready!” Then Marvin heard it. The unmistakable voice.   
“Hello? Marvin? Where are you?” The voice was soft and smooth. Marvin sat upright in bed, as the footsteps echoed louder and louder, making their way closer to him. Marvin could barely breathe.   
Whizzer stepped through the door. Marvin burst into tears. It was so good to see his face, but it couldn’t be him, could it? Marvin tried to work it all through his head. He stared through blurred tears, and could see that Whizzer had an unearthly glow about him. He looked healthy and was dressed in his favorite outfit. His nicest, most expensive white silk shirt, and his dress shoes. He was well groomed and looked just as amazing he did before he got sick.  
“Marvin!” Whizzer exclaimed, after admiring him for a moment. Marvin sprang up and grabbed Whizzer, pulling him into a hug. Whizzer’s touch felt warm, like a ray of sun, but something inside Marvin still felt cold. Their lips met for a kiss. Marvin’s body curved into Whizzer. They stumbled and moved discordantly towards their bed, knocking over a cup and the phone as they went. Marvin recognized every move Whizzer made.

It was the first sunny day of April when Whizzer met Jason, Marvin’s 9 year old son. Whizzer paced the living room.  
“What if he blames me?” He asked Marvin, “About you and Trina?” Whizzer’s stylish suit and good looks couldn’t hide how nervous he was. Marvin laughed from the kitchen.  
“He’s not! I had that talk with him Whiz, and Mendel’s been working with him. He told me that our group therapy will be useful. We’ll see results when he’s older and he’ll find coping easier.” Whizzer didn’t calm down.  
“You mean, Trina’s new boyfriend, who is also giving Jason therapy? How do you know he’s even all that good at his job?”   
“Because Whizzer, I’ve been seeing him since the divorce last year.” Whizzer started laughing.  
“You are still a mess from that whole thing!” He exclaimed. Marvin clicked his tongue.  
“Hey, I was fresh out of the closet. You’re being so damn rude!” Marvin sighed, “What was it like for you to come out?”  
“My father kicked me out. I lived on the streets after getting caught with a boy.” Whizzer shot back. He shuddered at the memories of his dangerous life in the back alleys of New York City. The things he did for food. The things he did for money. Whizzer pushed the unwanted thoughts out of his mind, knowing they were never too far away. He continued, “But, considering I didn’t have a girlfriend’s heart to break, it was pretty good.  
“And this is not about me! This is about your heteronormative bullcrap! You want me to be the ‘woman’ of the relationship, even after all this time of having a boyfriend!” Marvin flinched at ‘boyfriend’. He hated that word.  
“You know, you don’t have to live here. We don’t have to do this!” Marvin was yelling now.“I’m calling Trina.” He picked up the phone. Whizzer grabbed Marvin’s wrist.  
“Listen…” Whizzer said, sweet and hushed. “It’s true. I’m going to be honest with you Marv. You’re a mess. But you’re my mess.” Marvin dropped the phone, and wrapped his arms around the back of Whizzer’s neck.  
“I love you,'' Marvin said. He kissed Whizzer gently, but it soon escalated into a passionate moment. Only when little Jason and Trina walked in and caught them kissing did they stop, completely embarrassed. Trina smiled bitterly at Whizzer before storming out in a huff.

They fell onto their bed. Marvin finally ended the kiss to breath. He pulled the covers around him and Whizzer and they cuddled together. Marvin sat up in bed, rubbing up on Whizzer’s shoulder. Feeling his hair. Tracing the palms of his hands, desperately exploring every inch of him. Whizzer looked up at him, smiling.  
“You know, there’s a reason I’m here.” Whizzer said. His voice was soft. Marvin sighed.   
“Of course.” Marvin said quietly. He could already feel the tears start to form.  
“You need to keep going, Marv.” He nuzzled his head into Marvin’s side. “You can’t isolate yourself. You need people around you.”

“All really I want is you, Whizzer.” He looks up at me. I don’t hold it back. My body is shaking. I release every emotion.   
After the tears are done, which is a while, I release all the sexual frustration too. Not THAT way, you little nasty. Just kissing and extremely accurate ear biting.  
After that, he grabs his favorite record and play “We Built This City.” He jumps and dances, and soon I’m joining in. We’re dancing and as soon as the song ends, he starts it over. After 4 plays, we’re rolling on the ground and laughing.   
I check the time. It’s going by too fast.  
“Marvin,” He stands up while I just lay on the ground, smiling. “I love you. You were the love of my life. The man of my dreams. I want to spend my whole afterlife with you. Now get up off your cute ass and live the best life possible so you can make it there.” He says.  
I spring up and attacks him with a hug. I start to say, “Whizzer, you…”   
He’s fading. I’m crying again, hard, harder than ever. I fall into my own lonely bed and curl up with my pillow. I hug it like it’s my Whizzer, my baby. I’m alone.


End file.
